Sometimes I handle being a single mother very well. I like to think that over these past five and a half months I've held it together fairly well, and I owe much of that to my mom who keeps me from totally losing it. Everyone knows that sometimes the baby drives me crazy, when he's having bad days it in turn makes me have bad days. I think that it would be much easier if I didn't have a baby with someone I was in love with, someone I imagined a future with. It's hard to see things like a home, a happy family, and maybe even marriage in your mind then have that person just check out and stop talking to you. I don't know if that's common behavior. It was for him. Too many times he just threw his hands up and quit. He never cared about me. That is a big reason why I get sad sometimes. I see other dads with their babies and partners and they're happy, at least most of the time. And here I am. Just me. My baby makes me happy, but there is an emptiness where those promises sat. Healing a broken heart is such a long, gruelling process. Someday I'll find someone who loves me and Oliver and can give us some of those things we dreamt of. But I'm going to get a head start and do some of it myself.
No comments:
Post a Comment